The funeral home gave us a booklet of readings to consider for the service. It was suggested that family members could dedicate one each to Louis – to fill in the timing where a eulogy would usually go.
But none of them suited for us, not as his parents and brother. I wanted to find something that spoke for us, something that said the words, Charlie will never forget about ‘his baby brother Louis’, but there was nothing and I hated most of what I read. So many words about loss, questions why, what did we do wrong, what was our punishment – none were right. I went to bed that night knowing I would either have to do my own research or write my own addition and not having the energy to do so.
Turns out this would be the second time I had heard Louis speak to me, although at the time I hadn’t realised what was happening. For the past few days, I had a poem in my head from one of my favourite movies, My Girl. The poem was written by the main character, Vada Sultenfuss, about the death of her best friend, Thomas J.
And as I woke in the early hours of the morning, the poem, ‘Weeping willow with your tears running down,’ became the front runner of readings read at Louis’ funeral. It was perfect! It was also during this moment of awakeness that I found the words to write ‘from us.’
Our little Louis,
Words cannot begin to describe the love and emotions we have for you.
We were not prepared to lose you so soon, but are eternally grateful for the time we had to say goodbye.
Holding you will forever be the hardest thing we have ever had to do; however, we will forever cherish the memory of you.
We find comfort that forever with you, will be your beautiful blanket that Nannie made with blue and white squares, just for you.
And we are thankful that your aunties got to hold you in their arms and whisper words of wisdom for your journey beyond this world.
Your big brother Charlie may never know the love and friendship that comes from you, he now instead has his very own personal angel to guide him through life and watch over him as he grows.
He will hear stories of how Mummy and Daddy fought over your name and how your grandmother’s refuse to accept that you’re named after a One Direction Star.
And we will forever cherish the day your big brother reached up to Mummy’s tummy and said ‘Baby Brother Louis’ and knew that was who you were destined to be.
Our little Louis.
Born sleeping July 21, 9.43am, weighing 2.66 kgs (5lbs, 8oz).
These words were also how we shared the news with extended family and friends via social media. This paired with the funeral homes birth announcement, we were receiving an overwhelming amount of empathy and support.
~
While choosing a final resting place for our beautiful boy, there were two decisions made very quickly. One; Neither Dave or I wanted to watch our little boy being lowered into the ground – therefore we chose cremation. Two; We wanted his final resting place to be a place where everyone could visit him – therefore contacting the local cemetery trust was our next step.
Similar to our first meeting with the funeral home, meeting a lady named Annie was just as daunting. We met at the cemetery and were taken through all of the options available, and there were more than we could have ever imagined.
We had assumed that because Louis was to be cremated that would cut our options in half – no – it actually opened up every option available at the cemetery.
Annie took us through all the options, including what was referred to as the ‘baby section’. It was made very clear that we could place Louis wherever we wanted to; in the lawn, the baby section, the rose garden, the niche wall, the rock fountain (boulders), and how each of these sections worked.
The baby section was half the cost of all other options – go figure – and I hated knowing that for some parents this would be their only option due to the costs of the interment (legal rights for placement at the cemetery). Originally, we had discussed Louis being a part of the niche wall, but we had since discovered the boulders and found peace there. We also considered placing Louis in the baby section and pondered our way through, but found it to be an overwhelmingly sad space that didn’t sit right, not for our little Louis.
Making these decisions was just so out of this world and something we had never even considered having to make, and the ‘all within good faith’ opinions were hard to hear.
Nannie didn’t want Louis to be with ‘old people’ and Annie encouraged us to consider whether we too would plan to be placed with Louis when we go. This comment shook me to the core – how at this point in our lives were we to make that decision. But above that, what if we were to lose another child? What if we lose Charlie? We would want our children together, wouldn’t we? This decision would continue to haunt us for weeks and eventually play a part in the boulder we would choose.
'Our Little Louis' 