I wish I could say that our follow-up appointment at The Royal Women’s Hospital passed with flying colours, but no, we were dealt with yet another blow and more medical jargon. We had gone in with the hope that they would be happy with baby’s development and would be sent on our way to continue all further follow-up appointments in Shepparton.
But our rainbow baby was perfect, just as Louis had been, the problem was me and it wasn’t anything new. We were completely blind-sighted by the diagnosis of a congenital condition that had been there all along! My 20-week ultrasound had revealed ‘a septation in the right lateral wall of the lower uterus’ or in medical terms, a uterine septum, a congenital condition where a tissue wall divides the uterus. A septate uterus is the most common type of uterine anomaly and can cause issues like miscarriage or preterm labour!!!!! Symptoms can include menstrual pain, difficulty with pregnancy, or recurrent pregnancy loss!!!!! An unusual presentation of the placenta during pregnancy may also be a sign – I was fucking pissed!!!!!!
This whole time, two ‘lost’ mirena’s, countless internal scans, not to mention the hours of physio therapy I went through after having Charlie to release my muscles again. But then there’s Louis, our beautiful little Louis, he had suffered the ultimate sacrifice and now we finally knew why – it was me! All this time I had been convinced it was all in my head, but now I find out that there is something physically wrong!!!! And what’s worse, it could all have been surgically removed before re-conceiving, and now I was living with the guilt of putting baby and our family at risk of another stillbirth – Louis’ baby brother.
This news along with the position of the cord into the placenta being labelled ‘velamentous’, a diagnosis of an uncommon pregnancy complication where the insertion of the umbilical cord attaching to the placenta’s membranes rather than its centre. Leaving the fetal blood vessels unprotected and vulnerable to rupture or compression.
This, this was the final blow. I just didn’t understand how all this time, all the pain could have been avoided – Louis could have been saved, but we had also been unknowingly at risk of losing Charlie. It was all just too much to process, but also, we were too late for this baby. Our rainbow baby needed to be stronger and like Charlie, beat the odds and arrive safely earthside with us, his family, with Louis watching over him from above.
We really did have so much love to give and all we could do was hope for a miracle.
We chose to make the most of our day out in Melbourne and as it was also kinder holidays, we opted for Charlie to come along for the trip. We would have loved to do the zoo, but I couldn’t picture myself waddling around the zoo and I didn’t want to miss out on all the fun so we took the drive out to Chadstone, Legoland Discovery Centre. There was a café in the middle allowing me to rest and sit comfortably while the boys spent time building and exploring. Again, we could see both the improvements and delays in Charlie’s behaviour, but more importantly we could see he was having a blast! The place was packed and he had barely even noticed, he ran around admiring all the miniature Lego replicas of Melbourne’s most loved buildings and landmarks built from over 1.5 million Lego bricks. I must admit it was pretty cool and I think Dave was defiantly in his element.
It was a big day and we were all exhausted after the 5am start, three-hour drive into Melbourne, the half an hour panic of trying to find a carpark, the news that had been disclosed and the two hours spent at Legoland Discovery Centre – It was time to head home.
>>>>
Reading my horoscope for this week, which stated I was due to receive a gift, visitor, message, something meaningful and by the end of the week there were a few candidates. Firstly, I had received a message from a lady who founded and hosted gatherings for a group called ‘Women of the Murray’. She was quite big in the community and Stacey wanted to invite me to speak at an upcoming event series called ‘Brave not Perfect’. She explained it was a chance for women to come together for an evening of connection, honest and raw, real feelings through story telling. She asked if I would be comfortable sharing Louis’ story, in a hope to encourage others to heal and connect.
I was honoured, but I needed to process so I asked for a few days to think it over and she understood – I also needed to talk it over with Dave.
Secondly, the Wednesday night we had heard some familiar noises, a feral cat fighting with our three felines and Snowy. The last time we had heard that noise was before we caught our last feral, a long-haired black cat who we had recently moved on to my cousins place, eight kilometres down the road and the other side of the creek. We had decided to rehome him as we hadn’t made any progress with him and it wouldn’t be fair to keep him locked up over the summer. He was a full male, hence the drama and noise – surely, he hadn’t hiked the eight kilometres back and returned?
Friday night came around and Dave ventured outside to inspect the ruckus that had once again erupted outside, and from a distance he saw a black, long-haired cat, but he couldn’t be sure. So, Saturday night we set the trap again, and the following morning there he was, the very same cat we had moved on exactly a week ago. It was the same love/hate relationship – he hissed at me, I told him to cut it out and put him back in the chook pen, concluding he wasn’t allowed to venture back eight kilometres and not call us home!
Later that day he let me sit with him and gently pat him, he was covered in hair-mats and I honestly didn’t know what to do with him. Our first step would be to get him desexed and I guess give him a name – we couldn’t decide between Sage or Boomer (as in boomerang), but I guess he was staying.
And thirdly, we had our first lot of baby chickens hatch that very same week. 10 healthy babies to also call our home, their home and there were hopefully more to follow. It had been so many years since we had babies to raise and Charlie was loving it! Picking them up, helping me transfer them into the carrier and carry them into kinder, where we had set up a cage to host them safely during work hours. Charlie running around yelling ‘baby chickens! My baby chickens!’ ‘I hold them?’
I did have to buy a padlock for the latch as some children were being a bit too sneaky for my liking and I didn’t want to be chasing baby chickens around amongst screaming children.
'Our Little Louis' 