While checking in on my friend Elyce and her pregnancy, somehow, we decided that we would catch up before the babies were born and we would meet half way in Mildura for the weekend. We both booked into the NRMA Mildura Riverside Holiday Park and had a view of the Murray River from our cabin balconies. It was coming up to 12 months since we’d last seen each other and we were both in awe of how much our boys had grown up. We both rocked up late the Friday night and Charlie had been awake the entire drive, so after some dinner the boys got ready for bed, I headed across to Elyce and Liam’s cabin. Our baby bumps bumped together as we threw our arms around each other – the reunion was well overdue! Wyatt was still awake and Aunty Maddy even got a cuddle eventually, almost falling asleep in my arms – Elyce commenting I must have the touch. We stayed up until midnight chatting about the boys and future plans, while we both sat uncomfortably with our round bellies.
The following morning was a slow one with breakfast becoming lunch, but the day was the perfect temperature for a swim in the parks heated pool. So, after a quick trip into town and a hefty Kmart shop, we all headed down to the pool for a swim before dinner. We really were just enjoying being in each-others company and watching the boys play together and share their interactions. On our way into town, we had noticed a sign for a local rodeo that was in town that night and with Elyce and Liam being horsey people we thought, why not? That night we made our way across to the small country town of Merbein thinking the rodeo would follow suite – wrong – the rodeo was huge and the lines were long, but we were committed now. Charlie even stating he needed to do a wee while waiting in line, while Wyatt slept in Liam’s arms. Eventually we got to the front of the line and through the gates where the crowd was at least five lines deep back from the arena. Dave and I weren’t really interested in the competition and picked a line towards the edge of the crowd where we could at least see the horses come out and in my opinion wasn’t a bad view – there was even a bin for Charlie to sit up on. He was absolutely in his element, ‘look Mummy horsey, I want to ride it, ride the horsey Mummy,’ he would say.
During discussions on our way into the event, Dave and I realised we too may know one of the riders – we were doubtful but made a plan to look at the program once through.
Once settled, I remembered to look and there it was, almost like his name in lights! And as I turned to Dave to show him, that very same rider shot through the gates. Kade Griffins was an old work colleague of Dave’s and he was a character at best, even entertaining guests at our wedding back in 2019 – he was just a classic! In the moment we cheered him on, Charlie waving from his bin seat – it was all very exciting!
It wasn’t until the stars came out that I felt the presence of our forever baby boy and I realised, it was Louis who had guided us there that night and gave me the push to check the program at that very second.
Charlie looked up at the sky, ‘Mummy, Louis’ star,’ he pointed and my eyes welled. Following Charlie’s gaze up into the sky, I thought, there you are our beautiful boy, there you are.
Once back at the cabin, we were all exhausted but made a final plan to catch up in the morning one last time before parting in different directions again.
It was decided we would meet after check out at Benetook Farm for breakfast. We took photos with our matching baby bumps and of-course the boys together – Charlie even putting his arm around Wyatt and taking his hand to lead him astray.
Our goodbyes were bitter sweet, as they always were, but it was so good to catch up and decided to make it a yearly date, depending on individual travel plans throughout the year.
It was evident that both us Mumma’s needed our best friends and I’m proud to say I almost made it home without crying! I knew it would catch up to me eventually – I’d like to blame hormones but we all knew this wasn’t anything new – we love you Aunty Weese!
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As part of our preparation for bubby number three, we had organised a family photo shoot with an old colleague. We had originally planned for her to be at Louis’ anniversary celebration, but with the passing of Grandad we decided to plan for a later date. To make it worth their time, I asked if we could book an extended shoot to include both my sisters and their family’s as well as mum and dad.
I had explained that we had organised the photoshoot because we didn’t want to miss out of decent photos with my baby bump, as we had done with Louis – to me this would almost make up for that and help us celebrate both Louis and the new baby. I also requested I get a photo with all the children and their hands on my belly – for me, this would include all of our children – Louis included.
Come the day of the shoot and I was completely blown away! As the children placed their hands upon my belly, giggling away, Jaycee looked up at me and said, ‘Can Louis feel our hands?’ I replied, ‘This is Louis’ baby brother, but Louis is a part of him so maybe.’ It was exactly what I was wanting and the reasoning behind the photo, to include and recognise Louis’ presence as part of the family as a whole. It was just such a beautiful moment and all I had longed for all this time, while also welcoming our rainbow baby.
The photographer completely understood and I was so thankful for her friendship. She had been there when Charlie was born and milestone moments along the way, but she had also been there when we lost Louis. She had suffered her own losses and had been in and out of hospital with her own children so she knew what it was like to need something to hold on to. I would forever be saddened that we never got our maternity photos with Louis and that when he passed, we were told the Heartfelt photographer was away. My thoughts at the time were ‘of-course they are!’ So, I wanted his, I needed this. Not that doing this would prevent the same outcome, but it would be something to cherish if we were to face another tragedy.
I was a big believer in fetal microchimerism. A phenomenon study revealing babies are leaving their mark on mothers, detectable even after birth, in the form of fetal cells left behind after pregnancy. Researchers have taken samples from multiple organs of recently pregnant women and detected the presence of cells containing a Y chromosome, which would have originated from male fetuses. Evidence supports the hypothesis that the fetal cells somehow modulate the maternal immune system to allow them to persist seemingly undetected. Some of the fetal cells have been detected within the mothers maternal heart and appear to function alongside the cardiac cells. These particular cells are also thought to heal wounds by a regenerative native, and may be able to settle in damaged organs, becoming part of the maternal repair response.
Furthermore, fetal microchimeric cells from the first born can be passed on to subsequent siblings, and equally the mother may inherit cells from her own mother, generating a grandmaternal effect. The second or third-born child will consequently acquire long-lasting or permanent microchimerism originating from their older siblings.
The photo of Charlie and his cousin’s hands on my current baby bump was to symbolise that and per Jaycee’s comment, it was made very clear that Louis’ cells would live on in our rainbow baby – he would forever be a part of all of us.
'Our Little Louis' 