Christmas had become an ordeal over the past several years. There was always so many people, a number of huge days in a row, tired kids, different houses or locations, travel and a high expectation that all would attend.
I knew when we lost Louis, there was no way we would be attending the extended family Christmas and I had to shut the conversation down using a final tone – we would NOT be attending Christmas this year.
Dave and I were forced to walk away from several conversations, we just didn’t have the fight to justify our reasons – it would just be too much for us this year.
What we chose to focus on instead was getting together a Christmas light display for our front yard, including The Grinch – who stole Christmas! We enjoyed piecing the yard together bit by bit, outlining the kangaroos and wheel barrow to look like the ‘six white boomers’ a DIY gingerbread house and festive barn door.
Charlie and I spent the day over at Nannie and Papa’s preparing The Grinch by stuffing a Halloween costume with wadding and joked about propping it up in the passenger seat for the drive home.
We discussed going bigger and better next year, planning to hang more lights along the front fence and cutting out a train to match the gingerbread house and nailing together a curved Grinch tree.
It may sound silly, but by putting these things together meant that we actually spent time outside after dark. Peacefully Dave and I would stand out on the road and observe our creation, to us we were doing it for Louis. We wanted to share our Christmas with him and to us it was like Louis could see our lights, looking down from his star that was shining bright above us.
>>>>
The day before my follow up appointment with Dr Sampson regarding the autopsy, I found something while getting the files together. The ultrasound report taken just two days before we were told that Louis’ heart had stopped, the same report that stated that Louis was a happy, healthy baby boy, had something hidden in the notes. Amongst the statements that stated that Louis’ movements, growth and heart rate were to standard, one statement read;
Umbilical artery Pl appears to be at the 5th percentile. Recommend short interval follow up in 10 days to confirm no deterioration.
I burst into tears. What the hell did that mean? I was also angry because not only had nothing been said to me on the day of getting the scan done, but then nothing was said during the post mortem either – in fact, the doctor had again stated that Louis was fine during the ultrasound. Why was this not explained? Instead, we were repeatably told that there was nothing to indicate why we had lost Louis. I was horrified and I didn’t understand, but I knew I needed to address my concerns – starting with a Doctor I trusted.
Dr Sampson calmed my anxieties by stating that the note querying the umbilical artery PI wasn’t an abnormal finding for third trimester ultrasounds – hence the way it was worded as ‘appears.’ Still I questioned why we were not informed either on the day of the ultrasound or during the autopsy appointment – were they serious? She did confide that if this was a reoccurring finding than that was reason for concern – which would be noted in earlier files. Therefore, she would organise a referral to The Royal Women’s, who would take more care explaining ALL of the details regarding my pregnancy with Louis’ and discuss a plan for any future pregnancies.
Unfortunately, things only got worse when Dr Sampson found more details of concern within the autopsy results and I honestly think I went into shock! Why would the Doctor’s at pregnancy clinic not disclose all the information within the file, but then send us home with said file containing the information that was not disclosed? It didn’t make any sense!
Again, wording was very ambiguous, but it was there. The autopsy clearly states a ‘possible’ cause of death – through all the medical jargon.
The file stated the ‘most likely cause of fetal demise,’ was due to the placenta showing a high grade villitis with no organisms detected on immunstains. A High grade villitis of unknown aetiology is a phenomenon that is thought to be immune mediated and is associated with fetal growth restriction, recurrent reproductive loss and adverse outcomes.
It also revealed the umbilical cord contained an umbilicoileal fistula as a result of a patent vitellointestinal duct. Although the abnormality was not considered to be a significant contributor to the ‘fetal demise’ and variants of this abnormality occur in around 2% of the population.
There was also mention of central intervilious haematoma/thrombus with small areas of infraction to the placenta, but again stated as not known cause.
Now none of this made any sense to me at the time so my mind went into a googling frenzy once I got home, which only produced more questions.
From further research my understanding was that where the placenta and umbilical cord connect, there was some form of abnormally. This was caused by a duct that was meant to disappear during the 5–6th week of fertilisation age, it had however attached itself to the placenta and formed an incision.
This is what I feel was constructing blood flow to Louis from the placenta and what I believe had started to happen during my final ultrasound – this is when I believe Louis could have been saved.
Why the ultrasound technician had not, one; informed me of her concerns at the time or two; followed up her concerns with my doctor? I will never understand! Did she follow it up with my doctor and then it was not followed through?
Who gave them the right to play God?
There’s no evidence to state that if Louis had of been delivered that day or had I been hospitalised for monitoring and bed rest that Louis would have survived, but because of these actions we’ll never know.
Instead, our family have to live on without our son, Charlie without his baby brother, our parents without their grandchild, our siblings without their nephew, our nieces and nephews without their cousin – it just wasn’t fair – why us? Why Louis?
'Our Little Louis' 