WEEK SEVENTEEN

Early 2023, I heard word at work of a new staff member starting and honestly, I wasn’t keen after already experiencing frustrations within my own room. So, when Courtney and her daughter Holly arrived, I didn’t take much notice, other than to do my job – but Holly was a sweetheart and due to her young age, her transition took a lot of work. Therefore, there were a lot of interactions with Courtney regarding her daughter, but she was accepting, understanding and honest when it came to Holly – which was a breath of fresh air! As she lived with her mum at the time (just the next road over from us), she would spend her lunch break in the staff room and she was just easy to talk to and it helped that she was actually competent in her job and hands on with the kids. We could have in-depth conversations about our rooms, particular children, behaviours etc

Courtney began to confide in me and I too her and soon we discovered our love of One Direction – myself still in denial at this point, but she encouraged it and we began to share a laugh together.

Shortly after we discovered we were both trying for a second baby, with Courtney announcing she was nine weeks pregnant. There was no jealously, I was genuinely excited for her and the expected arrival of little feet – naturally I cried when I heard she had lost the baby. I couldn’t begin to imagine what she was going through and she continued to open up about previous losses also, I just couldn’t understand how someone could go through so much pain and continue to front life every day as she had.

Unfortunately, only four weeks on from Courtney’s miscarriage, I too experienced a loss at just five weeks gestation.

We just got each other after that and our friendship continued to blossom.

On our very last day before closing for Christmas that year, I told Courtney that I was pregnant with Louis and she literally jumped into the air and started screaming before throwing her arms around me – I responded by telling her to ‘settle down!’ as no one else knew yet! But I wanted Courtney to know, for hope if nothing else.

Following a Louis Tomlinson concert in January and Courtney’s wedding in March 2024, she shared the news that she too was expecting again.

We had thankfully been placed in the same room that year and we able to support each other through all the drama, we were each other’s rock and stood up for right and wrong within the workplace.

Courtney ended up making a stand and quitting after a number of confrontations and almost daily unnecessary stresses – it really was too much and I completely supported her resignation. I myself only having a few months left before commencing maternity leave.

When we lost Louis, I messaged Courtney before anyone else – I knew her phone would blow up with questions from other colleagues and I wanted to give her time to grieve. She really had become one of my best friends. Her husband Dylan ended up taking her phone away for fear of stress on their own baby – both their hearts broken for us.

To this day we continue to be honest with each other, share our tears, support each other and encourage the friendship of our firstborn’s.

Courtney delivered a beautiful baby girl, Mackenzie Rae on November 12, 2024.

Due to a lingering sickness that we all caught on our way home from Adelaide it would be a few weeks before I finally met this baby girl, but when I finally did, I could see that my friend needed me. Turns out that the little Macca was a lot like Charlie when he was born; clingy, unsettled and colicky, therefore I knew exactly what to do with this little one!

I took her in my arms and flipped her onto her belly in a hope to relieve the pain she was indicating by aching her back and rocked her back and forth on my knees. She settled almost immediately and the relief on Courtney’s face spoke pure gratitude.

Courtney was living the life we should have been, home with a baby and her toddler, while having to meet with the demands of both, and she was tired and emotional. We sat and chatted for hours that first visit, Macca asleep in my arms and Holly happily playing.

My mind thought of Louis often while this little one took refuge in my presence and we were all reminded by his absence when Holly excitedly rubbed my belly saying ‘you have baby too! Where’s your baby?’

Both mine and Courtney’s eyes welled when I explained ‘my baby didn’t make it sweetheart.’ I’m not sure that Holly entirely understood, but she could see that my baby wasn’t there with us, she followed on by asking, ‘Where Charlie? Charlie, come for a play?’ To which I promised to bring him with me on the next visit.

Since that day Holly has not referenced the baby in my tummy, but I hope one day she will be able to understand our true loss and respect what her mum and I have been through together.