At this point I felt that the hits just kept coming. Grief is a funny thing, and for our family at least, things would never be the same. Everything that happened post losing Louis, just seemed to hit so much harder than before and we were all lost.
I didn’t have the energy for other people’s shit anymore and I wanted to be open to what was happening around me – my connection to Louis. I could feel him everywhere, but only when I was calm and on my own. I couldn’t feel him in group settings or while feeling overwhelmed so I began to push everything else away. It was like I couldn’t hear him amongst the noise so I pulled the plug on the outside world. From then on, I made sure I got my one-on-one time with my little man, in whatever form that may be.
As referenced earlier, Dave and I knew we wanted to go ahead with Louis’ final placement at the bounders, however we still had to choose a boulder. This is something we didn’t want to rush, so on Wednesday, September 11, I dropped Charlie off to day-care and headed back towards Numurkah. I stopped briefly at the crash site where little Harry had lost his life, leaving fresh flowers and cleaning up a bit– one day I would make it across to where his body rests in peace. I wanted to have a clear head before I made my way to the cemetery and the way the wind had blown items around on the side of the road, I couldn’t leave it that way.
Once at the cemetery I took a deep breath and walked over the boulders, I sat down and hoped that Louis would guide me in the right direction. I wanted him to have a say in where his final placement would be and I prayed he’d be there with me that day. Straight away I looked up and noticed a single sandy, sun-kissed boulder on the inside of the water feature. Immediately I felt so much relief and felt so confident that was the one, I knew I would need to discuss with Dave but for me, it was decision made.
Because the boulder was on the inside of the water feature Louis would be placed on the outside, so away from the plaque itself. This was not something I really liked the idea of, but I felt Louis had guided me in the right direction and I wanted to trust that.
The next step was to contact Annie from the Cemetery Trust and confirm the boulder was available – which upon contact availability was confirmed. It was ours and all that was left was to sign off on final wording of the plaque.
Louis Byron
Born Sleeping
July 21, 2024
“A life so brief, a child so small,
you had the power to touch us all.”
~
The daily clexane injections had stopped, but the bruises were still evident on my thighs – along with the heartache. I rang the clinic to try book in our autopsy appointment, but no, I was instructed to take the routine blood tests and they would call next week to confirm.
Due to the previous blood clot, I was instructed to get several vails of blood, which would also be referred to a haematologist. I wasn’t sure if I were to fast from the night before, and admittedly I had forgotten and had a coffee that morning. When I realised, I panicked and considered postponing until next week, before I vomited while doing my teeth. Again, I felt Louis was watching over me, so now that my stomach was empty again, I set off into town.
I handed over my paperwork and hoped the pathologist wouldn’t state the words ‘I’m sorry for your loss’. But instead, it was the silence that made me cry. The pathologist wanted to confirm how many vials to take and questioned if I would be charged, stating ‘see the comments there, will this lady be charged?’ I felt like she fumbled around for more than 10 minutes and when she was finally ready to take the bloods, I burst into tears. She asked if I was there by myself and if I had someone to go home to, and when I replied no, I could hear the concern in her voice. But I would be ok, I just wanted to go home, and process the morning in private. I was glad it was over.
Now began the long-awaited game of cat and mouse with the clinic.
~
During the early days, my family had discussed coming across and camping for the AFL Grand Final Weekend. It had gone in one ear and out the other, but everyone knows they’re welcome at our home so they had planned ahead. All we had requested was that we didn’t have caravans parked in the driveway of the shed as we would be in and out with the lawn-mower and tractor over the weekend. Open ‘Camp Easement,’ we had two caravans and a tent parked down the back, containing five adults, three kids and two dogs.
Charlie loved every minute of it! Playing with his cousins and having his auntie’s fuss over him – I was exhausted and at times felt overwhelmed. Don’t get me wrong, I love my family and I am so thankful for all of them, but I know when I need my space – so I made sure I took the time I needed. I spent a lot of time visiting my uncles house, helping keep an eye on twin goats that had been born earlier that week. My cousin’s wife and I had spent time bottle feeding them while they weren’t strong enough to feed on their own, so I had grown quite attached.
Dave struggled with the lack of privacy also and shut down on me on the final day – it was defiantly time for everyone to pack up and head home.
Again, I love my family! But this was the point I realised that things had forever changed and both Dave and I needed to communicate our limits – and more importantly, people were to respect them or leave.
'Our Little Louis' 