All we wanted for our forever baby boy’s first birthday was a cake, a small gathering at the cemetery – allowing my sisters and their families to visit, a gift for a new born baby and placement of Louis’ name on the memorial wall at the hospital.
So that’s exactly what we did! We met everyone at the rotunda, set up a table with cake, tea and coffee and handed out balloons to everyone. We all just spent time together really and the kids loved it, even setting up a picnic and taking their shoes and socks off to make their way across the water to place their hands upon Louis’ plaque. We visited Grandpa, baby Harvey and Grandma and Grandad Byron. I was taken back to see a new baby placed in the baby section, ‘Born Sleeping, 2025,’ followed by the same Bears of Hope quote we had used for Louis. Why had I not heard anything about this baby? And without a name to follow up? I wasn’t sure how I was going to tackle this one, but I had to try.
Somehow, we stayed at the cemetery for almost two hours, it really was beautiful – just perfect. We hadn’t planned on singing happy birthday or even blowing out a candle, but the kids asked if we could so why not? We all sung loudly and the kids took turns blowing out the candle, but not before someone got in first – and as the candle blew out without warning, we all knew – Louis was here with us.
Once home, I messaged Danielle to ask about dropping in the following day to drop off the gift basket and place Louis’ plaque on the wall. She replied straight away and expressed her gratitude for our bravery and strength to step back into the ward for the first time, on Louis’ first birthday. She continued to thank me for the courage shown by creating awareness with my blog and making sure another family that walks in our shoes will know they are not alone and for always speaking Louis’ name. ‘I know I certainly won’t forget Louis and your family,’ she said.
Dani was on night shift but insisted on changing her plans to meet with us on the ward, she also informed us that Amanda, the midwife who delivered Louis, would be on shift if we would like to catch her too – absolutely!
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Dave, Charlie and I, baby in toe, made our way back up to Maternity. The place where our little Louis was born, on this day, 12 months ago. Amanda straight away wrapped her arms around me, and while gushing over Charlie, he said the words ‘there’s a rainbow in mummy’s tummy,’. Dani was beside herself ‘oh Maddy,’ she said, ‘such wonderful news,’ ‘so, so beautiful.’ We chatted for a while about the year that had been, current pregnancy care and future plans for delivery – to which they were thrilled to hear we would be returning.
Before long it was time to say our goodbye’s, but it wasn’t long before I received another message from Dani. She had stayed back and organised for our gift to be given to the family of a baby boy born that same day. She took the time to explain Louis’ story, before the family disclosed that they too had lost a child of their own. Dani confided that the room was filled with emotions of understanding and hope for the future. This, for me, was the best part. Leaving a legacy for all babies, in Louis’ name – a name for all to see, now placed on the memorial wall.
Louis would always be our motivation to live on, to make the most of every situation, to spoil our boys – to make a difference. To be proud and shout from the roof tops that we were not the people we once were and we were better for it. It was because of Louis that we now saw the world differently, our values have changed and although we continued to grieve his absence, we felt him everywhere we would go. We continue to find comfort in watching Charlie thrive under his baby brother’s guidance and have faith that we will be bringing home our rainbow baby, who would be guided by both his big brothers. Yes, you better believe our rainbow baby, was another boy and I now would become what I had once feared the most – a mother of three boys!
'Our Little Louis' 